Pretty Hazel Eyes
by ryanzraindrop
Summary: A songfic to 'Mr. Brightside' by the Killers. JamesXSirius, JamesXLily, SiriusXRemus, RemusXLily. 'He runs his fingers through her hair he pulled mine and laughed, a blush on his cheeks. He's not blushing now.'


**Rated R for a reason. Language, sexuality, angst. Don't read if you are under the age of 17 and your parents wouldn't like it. Thank you.**

SHIPS: James/Sirius, Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Remus/Lily

_Title: Pretty Hazel Eyes  
Author: Me  
Rating: R for language, sexuality, and lots of angst  
Disclaimer: Don't own HP characters or the song. It's owned by the Killers (Mr. Brightside).  
A/N: More insanity. This was written oddly._

**PRETTY HAZEL EYES**

--  
_Gotta gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all_  
--

His bed was empty again. He was gone again. And I knew exactly where he was without so much as a glance at the damn Map. And Remus was staring at me. He knew what I was thinking, just as I knew where James was.

But why? Why did he have to-to . . . go? And as I choke on a sob, Remus comes over to my bed and holds me. And I drift into nightmares in which James is just out of reach, laughing at me.

--  
_It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this_  
--

And Remus kissed the back of my head and whispers to me that it's okay. It's normal for me to have a crush and it will all be over soon and I really shouldn't do this to myself and 'please don't cry Sirius'. It's so scary to hear a 14-year-old boy say those words like he's your parent.

Even more scary to see the empty bed of your 15-year-old best friend. And I know . . . I know what he's dong.

--  
_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep_  
--

Remus talks, tells me he'll talk to James, make sure he stops sneaking out. My eyes are so heavy. I want to be touched, to be kissed, to be loved. Only James ever did that to me.

I know who he's touching now.

--  
_And she's calling a cab  
--  
_  
It's not fucking fair.

--  
_While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
--  
_  
I dream. They're there and I can't turn away. He wants her, I can see it in his hazel eyes. Her green ones stare back. I hate it, hate it all, but I can't hate him. Can I hate her?

Pretty little slut, isn't she? But she's not. Lily isn't a slut and she's just happy for once and he smiles at her, just her, and I know he's forgotten just four nights ago when he kissed me in my bed and told me I was his best friend and nothing was ever going to come between us.

--  
_Now they're going to bed  
--  
_  
But there's nothing between them as he lays her down and gently, gently kisses her skin. He was rougher with me, his lips tugging at mine insistently, his hand squeezing my arse. He runs his fingers through her hair; he pulled mine and laughed, a blush on his cheeks.

He's not blushing now.

--  
_And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
--  
_  
I want to look away, even though I know it's a dream. It might as well be reality. Look at him as he kisses her, gentle lips on her cheek. I hate it. Damn fucking dream. Why did Remus have to talk me to sleep?

--  
_But she's touching his—chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
--_

And then, they are all there, all of them...completely perfect in the way that only two people who are in love can be when they make love.

It wasn't like that with me and James. It hurt with me and James, but he's going so slow with her. He went faster with me. Told me the faster and quicker it went, the quicker I'd get used to it.

He moves slowly with her.

--  
_Now, let me go  
--_

I wake up, shaking, screaming silently. Remus pulls me down, my perspiring back against his chest. He whispers, kisses the back of my neck, I turn and kiss him, eyes closed. All I can think is James.

--  
_I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control  
--_

He finds us like that, screams, curses. Drags me out of the room by my wrist, demands, screams some more. Tears in his pretty hazel eyes. Jealousy in his pretty hazel eyes.

--  
_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
--  
_  
Yells, screams. Says he didn't do anything but kiss her on the cheek and he thought we were a pair and a pair is what you lose with in poker, didn't they teach you anything at that damned Muggle summer camp, Jamey?

I don't want to be a pair, not two of a kind.

Not anymore.

--  
_Choking on your alibis  
But it's just the price I pay  
--_

Steals a condom from me the next night. Is this what you want, he asks. Of course it's not, but I don't speak. I just glare at my book and smile at Remus when he comes in. Poor Remus. He has no idea I'm using him.

--  
_Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
--_

We kiss and then they kiss. Remus and I climb up to the Astronomy Tower, they climb down to the dungeons. We play moonlight tonsil hockey, he takes her for more than one ride on his broomstick.

--  
_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside  
--_

I hate it.

--  
_I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
--  
_  
And Remus is afraid because he might be pregnant so we wait for some stupid stick that says he's not and James kisses me and says its not fair to either of them.

So I punch him.

--  
_Gotta gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all  
--_

I won't kiss Remus and he won't look at me and James has a pretty little black eye he won't tell Lily how he got and there's tears in his pretty hazel eyes when he says 'I love you'.

So I kiss him.

--  
_It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
--_

So we have sex.

--  
_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep  
--_

And Remus walks in and promptly walks out and he screams at me and asks why I never said anything and I asked him about when he held me in bed and what was I upset about and what name did I accidentally whisper when we made love.

So he punches me.

--  
_And she's calling a cab  
--_

So James breaks up with Lily and she screams and Remus runs off to comfort her and I think they fucked.

--  
_While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
--_

And I can't win for losing because Remus is gay and I know he doesn't want Lily and just what thefuck is wrong with me because now I have James. What do I care if Remus has Lily?

So I kiss him.

--  
_Now they're going to bed  
--_

So he fucks her.

--  
_And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
--_

James and I have sex and his stupid test isn't the same color as Remus' so I go and dig out a book and it's all the week before the full moon. An illegal curse, it is the 70's and this isn't America, you know.

--  
_But she's touching his—chest  
--_

We never stop look at them, Remus and Lily and them kissing and holding and he can't make love to her, can he? Does he see my face in hers?

--  
_Now, he takes off her dress  
Now, let me go  
--_

Her test is negative, so I give him condoms and tell him to be careful.

--  
_I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control  
--_

They're still on his bed. James broke up with me. Lily broke up with Remus. I think James and Lily are in the Astronomy Tower.

--  
_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
--_

So Remus and I go to the dungeons.

--  
_Choking on your alibi  
But it's just the price I pay  
--_

No more tests. I swear and there aren't because Remus' test lied and I guess illegal curses really shouldn't be in books in the library because sometimes they backfire and make you so you can't have children.

--  
_Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
--_

James and Lily get married and I'm the best man, yeah the best man he ever had. The best man he ever lost.

--  
_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside  
--_

Lily gets pregnant and James never told her and why should he? They're happy, Remus and I are happy.

--  
_I never...  
--  
_  
Happy is an illusion.

--  
_I never...  
--_

You figure that out after you go insane. Locked up in a cell for twelve years can do that to you. All I saw was him...James over and over and over.

--  
_I never...  
--_

You know...my mother had those same eyes. Recessive traits can be a bitch, huh?

**If you manged to make it this far without giving up, please leave a little note. R&R, in other words.**


End file.
